April 28th, 2009

tom of finland


David Stein, my former partner, has spent the last year working on two books, one of which is
Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves. It features interviews with over a dozen couples (and a few polyamorous threesomes) from across the continent who have successfully integrated BDSM roles into their relationships.

He’s putting the finishing touches on the book and it will be published in the next couple of months, and then available through Amazon and from better purveyors of kink everywhere. I’ve read parts of it and I think he’s done a great job conducting and distilling the interviews to see how these relationships work for many men. While it will appeal to only a select number within our community, I think it will be an incredibly valuable contribution to this subculture.

For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, David Stein and his coauthor, David Schachter, will be talking about their work and previewing the book at the next meeting of the Leathermen’s Discussion Group on Wednesday, May 20. More information here. Mark your calendars!

david stein co-founded New York’s Gay Male S/M Activists (GMSMA) in 1980. For that group’s statement of purpose, he coined the now ubiquitous slogan “safe, sane, and consensual.” He also co-founded New York’s gay chapter of Masters And slaves Together (MAsT). For six years he authored the “Bond+Aid” safety column for Bound & Gagged magazine. He is the author of a novel, Carried Away: An S/M Romance, and his writing has appeared in Drummer, DungeonMaster, International Leatherman, Mach, Powerplay, and in numerous anthologies.

David Schachter’s interest in publishing Ask the Man Who Owns Him is motivated by frustration with the dearth of descriptive literature and an over-abundance of prescriptive and fantasy material, which he believes leads novices to unrealistic expectations and a needlessly high rate of failure for Master/slave relationships.